Repitittion:

I've noticed a repeating element in all my let downs and that would be me. I guess now would be the time to take a stand to my "negativity" but the thing is, I am not negative. I am complex and confused, I am honest in my outburst and in all my uncontrollable actions, I am me. I would sit here and try and say that I will change but I don't think I can and if I did I wouldn't really be me anymore. If I was this ball of negativity that I had almost believed myself to be, I would not know love and positivity on the levels that I do. I would not understand the beauty in the simplicity that I do. I would not be the emotional mess of a person that I am. Emotions, at least when they come from me may seem negative, but they are raw. I am a raw person. I am an open book with pages just anxiously waiting to be filled. I am a hot mess in both actuality and the realities of my mind. I am exactly who I am whenever I decide I am it. And if you don't like me for me and you think another girl is better for you, so be it. But do not make excuses for your commitment issues. I am a greater risk then gain but if you take that risk you will gain. I am an optimist and I am sure life gets better. I know that to create the world i want I must confront the things that i don't want. I am upfront and guarded. I am reckless and irresponsible and I am sorry that i could not be the girl that you wanted me to be, I really am so fucking sorry. But I am not sorry for being me.