When Jenny let go:

She stood there and listened
she took those words feircly
she took them seriously
she stood tall for a minute
trying to unleash her confidence
but with the words that she spoke her spirits soon broke:

"Bitch, I want this to burn you
I want your skin to melt as my words seep into you

I am not here to please you, I am here to cease you.

to inform your worthless mind of the disease that is you,
to enlighten your shell of how it should be broken.
to remind you of the slump excuse for skin that is you.

hahaha

what's eating you?

Or better yet,
What are you eating?"

She said:
"step away from the food you shouldnt be eating it
you cant survive without it
but youre not living with it."

she asked:

"Did you hear that sounds?
The pathetic sound of you being you?"

And then she laughed with that cold laugh that said " you need me, but I do not need you"

And in that moment she had had enough.

she turned from the mirror and one last time promised herself that she was indeed

good enough.

she laughed and snarled and thought
"it's good that you don't need me because I am way more beautiful then you ever allowed me to believe myself to be"

Picture perfect propaganda:

Perhaps I have a few screws loose

or perhaps yours are too tight.

You say you live for a new day

well I say that I live for a new night.

You say that you are a thinker of revolutionary thoughts, 

even though you never once argued against what you were taught

You are a 21st century social media warrior- standing up for causes that you have caused

you are a rebel of the time space continuim that you have created

you are simple enough to believe everything is complex

you are cowardly enough to just embrace the world that you are expected to accept

you are a thinker of your thoughts but not a believer of your ideas

you are couragesouly living your life, brave, behind all your fears.

you are the victim of propaganda
you are the target
you are the agenda
you are living proof that it's working
you are proof that they're watching
you are proof that they are waiting.
you are helping them
empowering them,
to keep on with their creating.

you are decimating the chances and passing up with the masses to create what does not exist

you are letting your creativity to flow but not catching it

you are letting your thoughts run but they are not free enough to submit

you are becoming what they want you to be

you are running out of time to quit.

Take half of what you know and half of who you are

Take everything you love

And every thought you wondered

take all half insecurities,

and all your confidence

Take that childish spark that you still have left

and put it all together and remember to never forget,

that what people want you to believe will always be the easiest information to concieve

remember to always be careful of how you perceive things

remember to always question how people achieve things.

And you will learn to be your own person to believe in.

Want:

I want to want,
I want to want you the way someone wanted me
when i didnt want them
and
I want you to want me
the way i wanted him when he no longer wanted me
I want to want you
while you
want me.
I want to be in want with you
and you in want with me
I want to share an equal feeling of want
and equal feeling of unexplainable wanting
I want you;
to want me,
While i want you
I want
to be in want with you.



on another note:
writing the same word too many times boggles your mind. My brain hurts. i legit questioned the words existence for a second, even googeled it. how odd.



LAWN GNOMES.

Drawing a Path

So you're wondering down a winding path
and before you know it
you're at the end of a dead end road
and at the end
there is nothing;
but trees, sticks and stones

above you,
the sky is as blue as a newborn's eyes
the clouds are as soft as a puppy's cry
The air is as inviting to you
as it is to a kite,
on a somber windy day
This roadblock is inviting you to take an adventure
it is begging you to stay.
pleading with you to pave its way.
 and below you:
 there's dirt,
this dirt if soft and fertile
this dirt is untouched but ready to be churned
this dirt is a new foundation
fresh from winter's fallen snow
there's even room for nature to grow.

but:

You see a road block with no path you know.

but what you dont see are that there are no boulders,
in front of you there is nothing too big that you cannot hold

so make your own path, give it go.
 

Jumpers Code:

So,
Youre at the edge again,
no, no,
not that edge, silly;

Youre on the edge again
the edge of making a jump
the edge of taking a leap into something new,

so,
youre on the edge,
again.

So youre standing there with anxious eyes and open arms
so youre standing there trying to figure out how to jump
so youre standing there trying to figure out if you should jump
youre standing there
trying to figure out who will catch you?

will he catch you?

so youre standing there
trying to figure out how to land on your feet.
How to jump and why to jump?
why jump?
should I jump?

and if I do
how am i gonna land?

but when I jump what should I remember?
Or do I want to forget?

Remember:
Don't lose yourself
and
remember who you are
and
be patient
life is beautiful in slow motion
I promise,
it's so wonderful when you can play it back
remember
not to be hesitant when when you feel the urge tohesitate
remember to speed up
but remember to always remember when to slow down

remember your first jump
remember to be gentle
remember to nourish your mind
remember how fun it was
not to take your time
but remember  that when you rush
remember that time flies by
remember to stay high. 

make sure you remember the second jump,
remember what it feels like when you dont land on level ground
remember what it feels like to jump back.
remember not to become someone's someone.
remember to stay you.
remember how miserable you felt
when you had to go searching for your previous self
remember how long it took
to start to feel new.

and remember the third jump
the one who made you wonder
the one who walked away
the one who made you cry
but you loved anyway
the one who drove you crazy
but you adored in the worst of goldfish ways
remember how long it took
for him to look your way
remember how nervous you were
that very first day
remember how cautiuosly you picked each word
and how swiftly you made sure his memory of you
would be one to stay
remember how excited you were
when he said what you had waited for him to say
remember how melted
when he told you he was leaving
on that cactus dry hot summers day
remember how much time you had and lost
remember that,
that one got away
before you said it was ok.

and the fourth,
the fourth one, the one who taught you how to skip,
the one who taught you how to bounce
the one who made you spin
the one who always faded
before you both could jump
the one who took years
to finally face the you and he fears
remember he taught you how to be a friend
and when you were both broken
remember how you taught each other how to mend.
remember the laughs
and the kisses
remember the sun
and the waves
remember those sunsets
remember that second first kiss
the most perfect second first kiss
remember the wait
remember it was worth it
remember the taste
remember the goodbyes.
remember those tears that made up
the happiest of good byes,
remember that smile,
Remember those eyes.
And in December,
remember he comes home
remember to be home.

But what the jumpers code cant tell you
is when to make take a step
when to take a step towards your jump
when to swallow your pride
the code cant tell you what the jump holds inside
truth is that jumping has no code,
just memories that will last forver for you to hold
and lessons left behind for you to mold.
just good times and bad times and stories to be told
just new jumps
that you hope share the right parts of the old jumps
one perfect jump.
thats all you need
just one,



one perfect jump.

Peep Show

I look back at the random words I once said:

I play them back in my head

The old role plays and flickers, theres only a few runs left

until the words that we said slowly turn up dead

The images are black white and static and if I watch closely enough
 I can feel the heat of those cold winter days, and taste the bite of the cold winter's night.

And so I listen a little closer and the images begin to speak

but all I hear are the
 decomposing memories of the words I wish I had said

your voice drifts

and so does mine

the lights go off but the sound comes on strong.
stronger it grows and my ears ring, my mind knows.

there's no mute button where my mind is going.

and there it is:

the sentence you spoke

and the words I never said:


"well maybe you talk too much"




Or maybe you listened too hard.

Maybe you listened so hard that the words I said turned into the words you thought
maybe you thought wrong with the words when we fought.
maybe you heard the words but not the meaning
maybe you should of listened as I was leaving.
maybe you shouldnt of tried so hard to keep me in bed
maybe if you had tried harder




We would still be dreaming. 



But as i wake up


I am grateful for leaving.