Four paws and Imagination

As a lonely child,

I would tap on the glass of his cage.

I called him “Picasso”.

I imagined that he could paint teeny tiny pictures

Only in a way that his mini paws could do.

Behind his nose and whisker mask,

To me, was the ghost of artist’s past.

With his stubby tail and sharpened nails,

Baby bear ears and logical cat fears,

He was the reincarnation,

My fluffy ball of silent friendship.

My 20th century art sensation.

Gods and Goblins

Im gonna go perform this in a bit. Kinda nervous, I feel rusty. 

This one is for anyone who has ever loved someone who has made the same mistake time and time again.

Last night, you stuck a needle in your arm as you begged for God.

You rocked back and fourth like you were a child in your Father’s arms.

As if you were crying out, “Daddy, Save me”

But the look in your eyes matched the daemons in your mind and they whispered

“just one more taste and maybe this time we’ll find that sacred place”

You used to be my NASA Cadet,

Launching out of this would.

Claiming, “there just isn’t enough space”

You once told me that you could eat a whole rose bush without feeling the thorns

But today you couldn’t even blow a wish from a dandelion.

So I, made a wish for you.

Our vertigo, mirrored green eyes, starred at each other with doubts.

8 years, with and without, but still, deep down, all I think about is you.

Not the you in front of me.

The you buried deep inside of me, with all that time and those memories of when we were kids.

When the sky was so fucking blue and perfect that it was disgusting

And when we would try to count to summer stars on those quiet nights.

We must of tried to count them a million damn times before we learned that

“hey kid, some things are just that impossible”

I wanna believe that getting you back is possible.

When we would steal bottles of wine and chit chat and watch the fire flies with all the kids we called friends even if we never saw half of them again.

When you protected me and I thought you were SO annoying.

When you told me boys were evil,

But I still continued to fall for them.

Well its your turn now,

I Wont let you fall again.

This morning when you woke,

You looked surprised.

But you survived.

And this could be a new day or another one full of self demise.

Just tell me that you wont keep closing your casket while you’re still alive.

The most healing thing you can do is reminding yourself everyday, that you are not alone.

That when you want help, I’ll always be home.

If everyday you fight one more day then I promise you will always have another day.

Bitter sweet feeling of being half OK with this whole:

So,
For the last few months I have absolutely hated where I was and I craved Brooklyn in a disgusting way that an anorexic person craves a cheese burgers but knows that they will not have it. But since the dawn of this semester, it's not so bad, not so bad at all. I would even venture as far to say that I am enjoying myself. Perhaps it's because I dwelled on a negative beginning but in all reality it worked out so perfectly because had certain events not happened i would be trapped with superficial retards and now I am willing friends with a great group of positive, fun and good people. At the end of the day, there is no place like Brooklyn but when I finally stopped comparing the two I realized that this frozen tundra is not so bad.

Big Brother, I AM NINE NOW! (Persona)

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Dear Big Brother,

I am nine now!

I swim six days a week now

And I have two cats now

I even sleep in my own bed now.

Big brother,

I don’t believe in Santa anymore

And for that matter,

I don’t believe mommy anymore either.

As it turns out,

There are quite a few things I’ve been lied to about.

There is in-fact,

No Santa,

No Easter bunny;

Not even a tooth fairy!

And not ONE kid in my whole class had ever heard of the “splinter Fairy”

So I guess Mommy and Daddy just totally made that one up.

They even tried to replace Mittens Fluffy Pants,

The hamster you bought be for my fourth birthday.

Well,

He died.

And they thought they could just

Put another fat black hamster in the cage

And I wouldn’t notice.

I noticed,

Because,

 I’m nine now.

Big Brother,

Do you know what it is like to be lied to?!

Do you know how many times I have cried?

For you.

Big Brother,

I am nine now!

And its time that I know the truth

It’s time that I really knew about you.

Big brother,

I don’t know where you are,

But I know where you are not.

You are not in college.

Big sister is in college,

She comes home and stays for a long time,

She calls home,

Every single day,

Big sister sends us packages with stuff from her college.

Me and Emma even got to help her move in,

She let us make her bed.

Big sister is in college right now,

But you are not.

Brother,

I don’t know where you are

Or why no one will tell me.

Why wont anyone tell me?

I mean,

I am nine now!

Its about time that I know!

NOW!

Brother,

I promise,

I wont even tell Emma,

She’s only five now,

We’ll make her wait till she’s nine,

But I

I am nine now!

So Kevin,

Please write back and tell me where you are right now.

This is the fourth birthday that you didn’t come to

But from everything I hear,

You love me!

So just tell me where you are,

Now.

Love your Big Baby Sister,

Anna