Fucking winter.

Winter always sucks.
You suck and I suck and this Isn't a fucking poem.
This is a rant.
I thought I knew what I was doing when I decided to do it. But now that the time is coming and you're not where I thought you would be in my life I'm not so sure I can do it. I mean, what are we doing? How can I fight the loneliness when you don't feel alone? What am I supposed to do when I know that the cure for my sadness will soon be at my finger tips? I don't know if this is working and I don't know if what I think will help even will.

Can there still be heat between us in the winter or should I accept that I have never been anything but cold to you. I have been cold to you while I was able to be warm to someone else. But you were always there. You are always there. Will you still be there when I tell you to walk away? Or maybe you changed? Who knows? I sure don't. Maybe I changed, I mean I sure hope I did, I need it. But this is just a temporary solution while I wait for what I really want. And that is wrong.

I don't wanna fill a void with something that I know will work. I want to take a chance on something that is new. But I don't like this anymore. Maybe I don't wanna do this. I don't even feel like I'm doing anything but sitting back like a retard while you live your life and I wait for you to re-enter mine. This distance is a killer. I'm not sure I want to die, yet.

Don't analyze my thoughts. Just read my crafts.