Hi there :)

“We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”

Perhaps I think that is the best explanation to something utterly unexplainable. I think that people often times forget that there are many types of love. There is the love I share with my sisters' a pure and unbreakable unconditional love that no matter how annoying my little buggers may be, I love them, with every single part of me.   The love we have for parents, the love that we are born with, the love we cannot describe and never had to learn, because it was always there. The love for our greater family and depending on how yours in, it may be the same love you share with your parents or it might be a subtle flicker of polite sincerity that you don't really understand. There is love we have for our friends and depending on how long you have loved them that love may not be real. But the love that we think of when we think love, that love is frightening. The rumbling feeling when you feel your heart skip a beat and the air feels so heavy when you try to breath, only because your skin touched my skin. The desperate sinking lump in your throat when you think about love in terms of reality and time. The first spark you get when you feel your mind click with another mind and you realize that now, for the first time, this is real.

I love love and I love loving and I love you.  

1 Year:

I was born not knowing and have had only a little time to change that here and there.
Richard P. Feynman
Dwell on that;

One year ago on this day I was going to a funeral for a friend, that in my eyes can never die. So I guess I was just attending a gathering in honor of the life he lived on this planet. He was always too much for our world anyway, so I guess he had to go. And where ever he did go, I know it is wonderful. One year ago, not exactly on this day I was a train wreck of a human lost on my own crossroads in my young mind of confusion. A year ago I didn't think I would ever know what to do with myself. I'm not saying i know exactly now, but I have a pretty decent idea. The value of finally stabilizing my mind is much more important to me then being the wild fun person that most people know me as. Truth is, it's more fun to be in control of my reckless self. Not saying I'm always in control, hell, I barley ever am, but that's more then i could of said a year ago.
&If you read this, I love you, honestly.

Change is near:

I love summer, I really do. But I hate change. I hate those feelings of uncertainty when you're about to close a door and open another one. I hate not knowing if I'm gonna keep knowing you. I hate not knowing what the summer holds, I wonder who my friends will be a year from now. I wonder if this summer will change me. What if I do change? Will I still care to miss you, all of you? Or will we all just grow up and out of who we are. Are we growing into the people we're becoming or growing out of the people we are? I'd like to know, but I don't. I dont know anything, as usual. But what I do know is that for what its worth, I'm enjoying the ride. I really love life I just hate not knowing where it's taking me.

Coffee Cake

Here's the thing, I like who I am when I am it but then sometimes I don't think I am it anymore and suddenly, i don't like me so much anymore. Hell, I'm probably the most screwed up thinker I know but those thoughts never harm anyone, but myself that is. I can't do anything right perceivingly so, but i dont exactly think i'm doing anything wrong. Fuck it, maybe that's the problem; maybe whats right and wrong dont even fucking matter. Over the past how ever many years i've learned that no matter how much good you do in life, any bad will over shadow it and it wont matter. i wanna live in a world where people wanna be apart of something because they feel that part inside of them. not because it benefits them or looks good on a job application. i wanna live in a world where judgment isn't passed on selective terms. If you wanna be a judgmental piece of shit, be that person 24-7 not when its convenient for you. convenience is another, in my opinion, huge issue with the fucking world. there is no fire burning unless someone is cold and sometimes that's just fucking wrong. the Terms and conditions of life are all screwed up and I think my main concern is just trying to figure out how to get them to not apply to me. This shit is stupid.